Equilibrium (Oneshot)
by opshipperondeck
Summary: The Tea Party's aftermath, naturally, it's SaNami (because I still can't fucking help myself). My take on how their reconciliation might (spoilers: it won't, at least in the official canon) play out.


I really don't have a lot to say about this one, the idea hit me yesterday and here it is. It contains some spoilers if you haven't read the few latest chapters, but should mostly be safe to read.

Disclaimer 1: OP and its characters don't belong to me.

Disclaimer 2 (The arguably more important one): I don't know if this is relevant, but I need to get it out of my system. The violence towards the end of this fiction is used solely for dramatic purposes. If you ever experience that kind of violence in your life, do not hesitate for even one second to talk to someone about it. You might feel as if you deserved it, but that is not true and will never be true. Nobody has the right to violate your bodily integrity in any way, shape or form.

That said, have fun.

* * *

 **Equilibrium**

Time stood still.

For the first time in what felt like an eternity, there was a little respite. Just a moment to catch his breath.

He let himself sink into one of the few chairs that weren't broken during the final clash between the Straw Hats and the Big Mom pirates. He just had to do it. There were moments to count the cost and moments to take a deep breath. He suppressed the trembling of his hands and put a cigarette between his lips, overcoming the struggle of igniting it with sheer force of will.

 _It's not over. But .. it is something._

 _A moment of clarity in the eye of the storm._

His final duel against Big Mom's second son, the dreaded Charlotte Katakuri, had taken a heavy toll on his body and mind. No matter where he looked, he seemed to be covered in wounds. Many of them deep enough to incapacitate out a lesser man. Every inch of his body was shrieking out in pain, begging for it to stop. But it would stop, given enough time, as this was the nature of wounds to a still living, breathing body.

The smoke was finally hitting his lungs and he revelled in it. The nicotine made his mind slow down and numbed the pain, eased the nigh overwhelming stress step by step, little by little.

 _Can't believe I'm still alive .. that all of us are still alive .._

He had every reason to be happy about that. His wedding had been crashed and for the future, he wouldn't be forced to be a subordinate for Big Mum .. or just be dead. He got back at his father in the most ironic way imaginable, saving him and his siblings from the prospect of certain doom and finally, all of them together were actually able bring about the fall of a tyrant.

Even though his mind was slowing down by now, he contemplated the fact that it had changed during his fight with the Sweet Commander. He transcended the normal bounds of human perception and came to understand the world a little better. When his Kenbunshoku Haki awoke, the only thing he had to do, also the only thing he could do, was to look at his opponent. He **understood** him on a level that was so much deeper than what he had ever seen .. no, ever felt before. Every movement, every breath he took told him stories about what his foe was going to do in the nearest future. Not one single story, no precise information, but the possibilities of things to come. Watching Katakuri through the second sight of his Haki felt like dreaming of statistics.

That was the reason on why he had to take chances. And since there had been no other option, he took them head on. It was not so much a clash of titans but a battle of wits, very close to a game of chess. One that was impossible to win with his wits alone. That was when taking chances became the most important part of this fight. Him willing to take these risks was what lead to victory. A pyrrhic one, but a victory nonetheless.

He had been wounded before and taking his opponent's attacks head on could have very well killed him, but going through wit it anyway had been made much easier by the fact that there just was no third option to take.

One overly obvious move to lure Katakuri into an attack that nearly killed him was all it took to get the single opening he needed to go all-out. A single attack, filled with tranquil fury was what it took to get the better of him. By now he knew that he never felt wrath before, up until this moment. Pure, barely controlled ire was racing through his body and mind when he finally set fire to the shackles of his soul.

And finally, he had been able to make the shadows afraid, reborn, purified with righteous wrath.

 _Kind of a shame that fighting that guy isn't the biggest obstacle to stand in my way. Vinsmoke luck, always rotten._

He couldn't have been more right with that. The surrounding circumstances put that particular obstacle in the background, but it was still there, waiting for the right time to crush him. And after all the fights, the tears, after being on the verge of breaking again and again, it slid from the shadows, sneaking in for a coup de grace.

 _Well, it's not like I didn't know that it was coming. In fact, everything from the moment I broke away from my nakama had been building up to this. I was living on borrowed time.. hahaha._

He didn't really laugh, for one it didn't go well with smoking and his body was too bruised to make it feel any good or relieving.

His 'greatest obstacle' was still out of breath, sitting on the ground with her perfect Clima-tact lying next to her. Sanji vividly remembered how she had used it to knock Pudding out cold when she tried to shoot him in the back. Again.

 _I guess you just don't get inbetween a Goddess and her prey._ , he thought and couldn't surpress a smile. The Goddess had protected him from harm just to be able to purge him herself. Irony really did write the best stories.

Now, after all this time, either spent apart or next to each other, each of them carefully avoiding to meet the other's gaze, their eyes finally met again.

 _So it begins .. no, this might be how it ends.,_ he thought with a heavy heart, closing his eyes for just a second. It was enough to summon the wraiths that were nourished by his guilt. Two shadowy figures that he could only see in the corner of his eye. One had taken the form of his captain, bruised, bloody and beaten within an inch of his life. But .. there was a genuine smile on his face. His signature smile. Sanji could feel the hand of this great man patting his back. Even hear his voice.

" _I can't forgive you, Sanji. Because there is nothing to forgive._ "

But it meant nothing, as the second wraith slowly approached. He could only make out the colour of her hair. Fiery red, seemingly moving around even if there was not a breeze to touch it. But it was her eyes that scared him the most. They rightfully accused him, saw right through him. Even through all the physical pain he felt, this one stood out. It had been a simple slap, like the ones she had given him in the past, but oh-so different this time. She had not hurt his body, but her hit resonnated with his soul.

He opened his eyes again, feeling unable to face his wraiths. Nami finally rose up and, even through the sheer exhaustion of battle, she was the living proof that silk hid steel. Her every step resounded heavily within these silent halls .. and the halls of his heart. When she reached him, there was a long silence of exchanging glances and he cursed the fact that Katakuri didn't kill him when he had the chance to.

"I'm waiting.", she began, her voice so cold and emotionally barren that he feared that nothing would ever be as it was again.

"Nami- _san_ , I ..", but she stopped him in his tracks with just a glance. The Goddess didn't want to hear his excuses.

"I .. I cannot undo what I have done .. please, Nami- _san .._ ", again, she didn't want to hear his excuses and his pleads. Sanji wished for her to be irate again, wrathful, just showing emotions. But seeing her so calm and collected made him fear for the worst.

" .. I nearly killed Luffy. I insulted his dreams. I lied to all of you, since the beginning of our journey. I lied to you because I didn't think that it would ever be important for anyone again .. I didn't expect my prediction to be so terribly wrong.", somehow, speaking hurt. Not because of his bruised and beaten body, but because judgement was upon him. And instead of speaking in his defense, he just laid down all the proof of him being guilty as charged.

"No one could have foreseen that. Go on.", the sound of her voice chilled him to the bone. Was her intention to torment him with everything he had wronged his crew in the past? Nonetheless, he continued. If it was someone's right to do it, it was hers.

"I will never forgive myself for the things I put you through .. not .. not the crew, not our _nakama_. The things I put **you** through, Nami- _san._ Not only that my actions could've meant death for you .. oh gods ..", he tried to swallow with increasing difficulty as his mouth was as dry as the desert. And smoking didn't exactly help him with that.

"If not for Jinbe and the others, you .. you .. might have died, Nami- _san._ ", his voice failed him. The sheer thought alone was enough to tear open his wounds again. Sanji never wanted to hurt anyone. But when it all came down, his actions nearly killed the single most beautiful woman in the entire world who had been the center of his adoration for such an incredibly long time, no matter the hardships they faced.

"Until my last breath, I will not forget this, Nami- _.._ , not a single line of this all. Not a single moment. Through my actions, I have chosen this burden. I deserve this penance. And everything that comes with it.", he had consciously dropped the ' _san_ ', being sure that this meant the end. Whatever it was that developed between these two, whatever might have been possible before all of this had happened didn't matter anymore, all that remained was a far cry, telling of what could have been.

 _Oh no .. please, please, please .. no .. not now .. please!_

It was in the backdrop of his mind that his Kenbunshoku Haki slowly rose to power again. It had been awakened during his fight with Katakuri because the situation was life-threatening and it regained its sovereignty over his perception because of the increasingly high stress levels that this conversation put onto him.

The deepest, darkest fear of a human was the fear of the unknown. But somehow, _knowing_ made it even scarier.

His eyes were fixated on Nami and he swallowed heavily when his Haki showed him everything and nothing.

Shadowy wraiths, the same he had seen before, but more numerous, were born from her body. They carried different shades of darkness, different colours .. but her voice. Some of them turned away from him, others silently accused him.

" _I will never forgive you for what you have done, Sanji."_

" _I swore that I would bring you back to the Sunny. Now that that's done, we're through."_

" _You're vermin, Sanji. I don't care for your reasoning."_

" _I want to never see you again, cook. And only because of our captain's dreams will I even consider to suffer through your mere presence."_

" _Maybe it would have been better if you starved as a child. For all of us. Think about it, if you died as a child, none of this would have ever happened."_

" _Don't you dare to approach me ever again, cook. We're done."_

" _If you ever so much as think about endangering our dreams again .."_

" _I accept that you have to keep on travelling with us. But you're no longer nakama. Not for me."_

" _Couldn't you just have .."_

" _I will never .."_

" _Don't ever come .."_

" _Never .."_

" _Never .."_

" _Never .."_

 _PLEASE, STOP!_ , his mind cried out in pain from all the things his Haki flooded it with. These perceptions were partly based on his knowledge and memories, but mostly they drew their influences from his present feelings and looking at her. Her body language, her voice that was as cold as ice. And it all felt so real. Everything was possible.

It only stopped when she made the next step herself. And for a moment, the slap he received felt .. unreal. Just another trick his mind had played on him. Her voice was just so different now, trembling, barely containing her ire.

"Do you remember Enie's Lobby?", she asked, seemingly in need to force herself through every word. The question itself surprised him, everything just seemed to be so far away .. still, he nodded.

Another slap, with more force behind it this time. So much that he nearly lost his balance. The cigarette between his lips fell to the ground.

And more words. More wrath.

"Do you remember the fight between Luffy and Usopp?", again, he nodded and braced himself for the next slap to come. It didn't do him any good. This time, it wasn't the palm of her hand that hit him, but her fist. The sheer kinetic energy behind the punch was enough to effortlessly tear him down from the chair, putting him onto the cold ground. His wounds ached, but he remained silent. That was well-deserved.

"Do .. you .. remember .. me?", _what ..?,_ listening to hear voice brought tears into his eyes. Of course, he remembered it. Everything. Cocoyashi, Arlong, her tears, her wanting them to believe that she was a betrayer. Every line of it. He heard sobbing and thought that it was his own.

Nami fell to her knees, next to him. He expected another slap or punch or anything else that was supposed to hurt him. Yet seeing **her** , a neverending flow of tears running down **her** cheeks, realising that the sobbing belonged to **her** .. that was what hurt what finally did the trick. It was what hurt him the most of all.

"We could have avoided so much pain .. Sanji- _kun_ , so many tears .. if we were only true to each other.", and she was Just. So. Right. If only they had played with an open hand.

Still, he was at a loss for words. What answer could she possible expect?

"You're right, .. you're so right .. I'm sorry, Nami- _san_ , please .. forgive me .. please ..", Sanji forced the words out of his mouth and took a great risk by what he did next. He took her hand. And to his utter surprise, she let it pass.

More than that. Her fingers began to intertwine with his. And oh, her voice .. it seemed like it had finally found back to its roots. When she spoke to him again, a mighty wind blew away the clouds that hid the sun for so long.

"I swear .. to everything holy, Sanji- _kun,_ that **I** **will** remind you to be sorry. Every day. Until the end of days. As long as the both of use still breathe."

 _Wha .. does .. Nami-san .. is that .. am I losing my mind?!_

It surely felt like it. A wonderful dream of Spring. The smell of tangerines in the air. Hair that playfully brushed over his face. Her warm hand in his.

Lips .. that tasted salty from her tears.


End file.
